“Self pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical
narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the
victim from reality.”
-- John Gardner
Let’s just start this
point out with a bang. Quit being a crybaby. Stop walking around
whining and complaining about how ‘bad’ your life is. Mentally
strong people do not walk around feeling sorry for themselves. Rarely
do you ever see or hear a mentally strong person complain about all
their misfortune and terrible their lives are and if they had this or
that, how much better their lives would be.
Out of all the
feelings and emotions that exist within the make up of a human being,
there are few human emotions as warm, comforting, and enveloping as
self-pity. Self-pity will wrap a person within it’s furry feelings of
victim-hood and soothes you like a lullaby into a cocoon of complaint,
and if you are not careful, the transformation that takes place within
the ‘warmth’ of the cocoon will make you, not only unrecognizable to
others, but in the long run, you will lose touch with your true self.
Truly nothing is more corrosive and destructive than the emotion of
self-pity. Helen Keller said, “Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we
yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.” Self-pity
will parch your attitudes, it will paralyze your abilities, immobilize
your true potential, and it will put off your ability to achieve. It
brings to a quick halt any moving toward excellence and prevents any
kind of expansion of the mind, body, and soul.
When you begin
to ponder the feelings of self-pity, and get honest with yourself, then
you too would come with the same conclusion that I have come up
with...self-pity is one of the most useless of all human emotions. Think
about it. After all your moaning, whining, complaining about how bad
your life is and how terrible your past was...well...what do you have?
What has changed? Absolutely NOTHING! As a matter of fact, I contend,
the more you continue down this path of self pity, the more you become
attached the ‘feelings’ of these emotions and you end up falling further
down it’s spiral staircase of the empty nothingness. Millicent Fenwick
said it this way, “Never feel self-pity, the most destructive emotion
there is. How awful to be caught up in the terrible squirrel cage of
self.”
When we pity ourselves all we see and feel is
ourselves. When we have problems, all we see are our problems and that's
all we love talking about. We become blinded and are not able to see
the good things in our lives. Like a drug, self pity warps our senses
and fetters us with it’s emotional strings and before we know it, the
only high we get in life is when we begin to talk the talk of a victim.
All the while we throw self-pity pity parties for all who will give ear
to our ‘horrific and dysfunctional’ life. And yes, because like attracts
like, we will have ‘friends’ but they will be the kind of friends who
will only help pull the covers of despair over our heads and help keep
us comfy. They will rub our back and ‘cry’ with us and embrace us in one
of those ‘misery loves company’ kind of hugs until we quit feeling like
something different needs to be done. Life then is lived for the next
‘high’ that can only come in the arms of another self-pity drug addict
who is willing to give us our daily fix of condolences. Once in awhile,
the person who is drugged up on the emotion of self-pity, will
momentarily awaken from their stupor and wonder why there are so many
negative people in their lives, and instead of seeing the true cause,
they are quickly moved to believe that the positive people around them
hate them and then move back into their cocoon feeling justified in
their self contempt.
Mentally strong people have learned to
accept themselves and in turn have learned to take responsibility for
their actions and their outcomes. They have to come to learn this simple
fact; life, for the most part, is not fair and rather than become
complacent within the walls of life’s circumstances, the mentally strong
plow forward knowing each event will bring something good to their
lives if they will not let themselves yield to their feelings of self
pity. Those who are mentally strong in this world have learned that the
way one thinks is just as much of a habit as the way one does something.
As much as fear is a habit, so is self pity, defeat, anxiety,
hopelessness, despair, and resignation. And life’s lessons have taught a
mentally strong person you can eliminate all of these negative habits
with two simple resolves: ‘I can!!!’ and ‘I will!!!’ One of my favorite
authors, Og Mandino said, “Each day is a special gift from God, and
while life may not always be fair, you must never allow the pains,
hurdles, and handicaps of the moment to poison your attitude and plans
for yourself and your future. You can never win when you wear the ugly
cloak of self-pity, and the sour sound of whining will certainly
frighten away any opportunity for success. Never again. There is a
better way.” So even though there seems to be no way out, there really
is a way out and it starts with rejecting the emotions and feelings that
come with self pity. “Rebellion against your handicaps gets you
nowhere. Self-pity gets you nowhere. One must have the adventurous
daring to accept oneself as a bundle of possibilities and undertake the
most interesting game in the world - making the most of one's best.”
(Harry Emerson).
You knew it and you’ve known it for a long
time now. There really is only one answer; turn away from self pity and
move on. Accept fate, and move on. Don’t yield to the seductive
hallucinogenic mirages of self pity. If you were to get honest with
yourself, you have already learned that acting like a victim gets you no
where and self pity has always been the plague that has strangled your
tomorrow’s. It’s time to begin looking for the ‘silver lining’ in your
life, because it’s there. Just outside the sheath of your self made
cocoon is a whole new world full of magnificent colors and adventures.
It’s time to pull out the IV tube of self pity you have been feeding
your heart with and step out into the sunshine of a new day, a new year,
and a new YOU. It’s time to laugh more. It’s time smile more. It’s time
to enjoy the blessings of your life and live in the abundance that God
has promised you for your life. “Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in
the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle
drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to
put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry with
laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly
toward the solution that is certain to come. Never take yourself too
seriously.” ~ Og Mandino
It’s there...it really is...a life
full of fun and adventure...just outside the thin layer of your emotions
is a whole new world waiting for you to learn and conquer. Now go
ahead...step outside, and let the rays of your new aliveness begin wrap
you in it’s arms and fill you with its warmth...and while you are at it,
don’t forget to SMILE!
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